?

Log in

MOVED

Jan. 2nd, 2014 | 05:17 pm

I hate the ads on LiveJournal.

Relocated:

http://xoxoerika.blogspot.ca

Link | Leave a comment | Share

2013.

Jan. 1st, 2014 | 10:14 pm
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

I remember I wrote a paper about the importance of relationships when I was 18 and in the 12th grade. In that Creative Writing class, I excelled and received an award for my achievements. I was proud of my work, but thought that each idea I transferred onto paper was "correct" in a sense; that all my thoughts were accurate (not opinions) and criticism about my so-called ideas were unwarranted.

Reflecting, I remember my teacher wrote that there was "more" to life than relationships when she graded my paper. I was astonished. More? What else could there be? Individuals are put on this earth with their own unique physical qualities, values, traits, personalities, faults, and imperfections to interact with others. To get to know others. To learn from others. They are supposed to share their lives, to connect with people, to develop compassion, and to feel a sense of belonging by being in the presence of others.

But now I know what she means. It has taken me a while, but I can see the beauty and the joy in being alone. One does not need to feel isolated or broken by simply feeling alone. There is happiness in the gratitude of having the ability to breathe, to see, to hear, to enjoy good food. I clutched onto relationships (not just romantic ones) with a feeling of impermanence - that if connections with people deterioriated and escaped my grasp, I would be lost. And for a period of time, I was lost. I could not comprehend the idea of joy in being ALONE.

Ironically, I have been in a romantic relationship for over a year and it is this year, that I have learned the importance of being alone. I like having time out of my day to have "me time," when back then, any time spent without the company of others was in my mind, a waste of time. Nothing is a waste of time. Every moment is precious. Big occurrences and small moments have led me to this epiphany. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy putting an outfit together. I enjoy standing in the tanning bed and just focusing on each breath I take. I enjoy cleaning and reorganizing my belongings to ensure I live in a nice space. I enjoy each drop of sweat that hits the Stairmaster stairs while my favourite music plays through my headphones. I enjoy laughing at a funny movie. I enjoy beautiful inspirational images in the form of pictures on pages/paper or through my computer screen. I enjoy walking in the cold and seeing the plenteous snow on the ground. I enjoy opening my mailbox and seeing that there is an item addressed to me. I enjoy painting my nails. I enjoy my mint facial mask I put on myself weekly. I enjoy green tea and lemon, sitting at my kitchen table and just scrolling through my phone or watching television. I enjoy sitting in the sauna and marveling at how one could create this and where the idea originated. Most importantly, I enjoy a good book because knowledge is the one thing no one can take from you no matter what happens.

I used to also think that life was about (vapid) achievements. Life was about your credentials, how many hours you could work, how many people you knew, how many parties you attended. Although they are inarguably useful, they are not the most significant. One should not lay on their deathbed and regret all the hours spent working on things they could count and list, but at the end, still feel a deep lack of fulfillment. Because that is not what life is about.

In 2013, I learned to love myself. I learned to enjoy time alone and to truly enjoy hobbies that I hold dear to my heart. I rediscovered my love of writing and reading. I learned that being alone should not always be negatively connoted.

Today marks the day of a new year. And I am excited at the prospect of growing even more.


After a night out for NYE.

Link | | Share

(no subject)

Mar. 15th, 2013 | 08:33 pm
location: Canada, Ontario, Downsview

The biggest mistake anyone will ever make is to realize the worth of something after they lose it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Link | Leave a comment | Share

(no subject)

Feb. 22nd, 2013 | 12:29 am
location: Canada, Ontario, Woodbridge

What I've learned in my 19 years of life: never expect anything. It is always better to be pleasantly surprised than to feel disappointed.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Link | | Share

(no subject)

Feb. 21st, 2013 | 01:17 am

Boyfriend had a half day at work today then spent the day with him, woohoo! Haven't had All Stars in the longest time and of course, I had to go into the mall to grab cupcakes since they were so close to each other... haha. Those Ferrero Rocher cupcakes though <3. Ugh so good. Had yummy Italian food at night and saw Identity Thief which was actually such a terrible movie LOL. Wish I had a nice fat spliff before it, then maybe I would've laughed more. Babe stopped me from getting popcorn, thank god! Fun low key day =).

Link | | Share

(no subject)

Feb. 19th, 2013 | 02:31 am

Everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't change anything because every event that has happened - good or bad - has gotten me where I am today. And I'm happy.

Link | | Share

(no subject)

Feb. 15th, 2013 | 10:56 am
mood: cheerfulcheerful

Got to school early and worked on an assignment that's due in 2 weeks :). Love feeling ahead of things. Going to get as much shit done as possible to lessen the workload during reading week! I'm so excited to have time off and then see Swedish house mafia!!! My love for house music is on some next level ahh. Finish class at 2 then an hour at home before work. Always busy! Day off with the boyfriend tomorrow and then sister time on Sunday :D.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Link | | Share

V-Day!

Feb. 15th, 2013 | 01:43 am
mood: happyhappy

I cannot believe I feared getting into a relationship with someone that has made me happier than I have ever been. There is no better feeling in the world than to love and to know you are loved in return. Today was Valentines Day and unfortunately, I was stuck working! He showed up at my work with a bouquet of roses after making reservations in my section under a fake name. It took all my energy not to break out into the biggest smile and pull him close when I saw him, but I thought that would be awkward at work LOL. He waited until my shift finished and spent time with me :). Money can't buy love, it never worked for me. We didn't have time to go out for dinner or to do anything extravagant, but that's not what attracts me. It's things like this - his patience and thoughtfulness. There's nothing I want more at the end of a long day of school and work than to be in his arms. It's that simple and he gave me that today :). Amazing Valentines Day!

Link | | Share

(no subject)

Feb. 14th, 2013 | 12:51 pm
mood: calmcalm

I am getting too cynical. It was justifiable because I saw it as a defense mechanism which worked, but making negative assumptions about others doesn't help anything. I come across as a positive cheerful person at work, but wow I have such a bitchy exterior when I'm not required to be nice. I think the worst of everyone and make no effort to have conversations with people other than those I've already formed relationships with. And the only people I genuinely care for and love to talk to are children because I know they're too young to be manipulative, lying, cheating, horrible people. So jaded and such a horrible way of being -.- I don't take into account some of the altruistic people I've encountered because those just don't seem to stand out in my mind. I'm turning 20, being a cunt isn't going to take me anywhere LOL. I'm positive when it comes to my abilities and when I think about how lucky I am, but I need to refocus my viewpoint on society in general and take the time to be pleasant to others.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Link | | Share

(no subject)

Feb. 12th, 2013 | 08:53 am
mood: awake

Finally a day off! God bless days like these. Just cooked up a storm for breakfast and relaxing before it's time to exercise :). Can't wait to go shopping today and get shit done.

Link | | Share